You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
