Banned from zoo.
Again?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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