The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
