In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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