I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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