You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
