It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
