cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
