Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
