You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
