I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
