Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
