Can Purell be used as lube?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
