What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
