You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.