my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?