eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.