Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
