your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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