Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
