his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
