Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
