You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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