Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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