hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
