Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
