p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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