I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
