if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
as a side note pls kill me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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