i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
