I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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