the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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