I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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