Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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