Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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