Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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