dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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