It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
