yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nutella sex= disaster
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
