when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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