My boss' voice literally gives me gas
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
