I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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