That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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