I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize