I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
