I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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