I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
