Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
