I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
