Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm passing your future prison.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
