Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
