why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
