Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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