i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Welp...herpes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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