totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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