May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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