your room smells of hookers.
And success
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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