Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A bitchslap is in order.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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