butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
