Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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