Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize