Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
