please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
