So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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