I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
