I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
