I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
