i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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