So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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