as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
