I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
