And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
