dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
