I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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