We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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