We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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