It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
