Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
