she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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