No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
